the b word

I do not feel like I’m balling on a budget.

I actually really dislike the budget word. It feels constraining, it feels restrictive, it brings up shame when I think about failed attempts to create one I adhere to, chart, and track like the corporate job finance influencers I follow on instagram.

No shade to spreadsheets, if they work for you I’m envious. Though I’ve tried, forcing them hasn’t worked for me… and feeling inferior about my inability to adhere to one hasn’t gotten me anywhere. So I am working on taking responsibility to curate a system and strategy that does work for me, telling myself that what occasionally feels like flailing around at least is not failing.

My knee-jerk reaction when it comes to any income I’ve ever made up until now has been to avoid my finances altogether and scrape by on the limited knowledge I’ve gathered. Not in the classroom, or at home but here and there in the occasional article that catches my eye or unsolicited advice.

Finances feel like a tremendous blind spot to me, and I used to feel a lot of shame around that until I realized that it is no ones fault.

It isn’t my fault I wasn’t educated and it isn’t the fault of my parents or school system or an opinionated but gate-keepy money management culture.

Instead of shaming or blaming I’m claiming responsibility.

Instead of avoiding I am addressing.

Instead of writing this post from a place of having things ‘figured out’ I’m going to be the first to admit that I do not know what I’m doing. But I’ve stopped avoiding that. I’ve started to try things and see what sticks. The following is an outline a few tangible I’ve gathered so far when it comes to navigating a starting salary with little to know financial background knowledge.

No spreadsheets or spending trackers or “skip buying your morning coffee” propaganda allowed.

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1. PRIORITIZE prioritizing

Surprise, my number one is some good old self reflection.

Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed or out of control with money it’s often because I am spending on things I think I should be spending on and feeling guilty for not having enough to put towards the things that matter to me.

When I sat down with a pen and paper and really got honest about: What is adding to my life and making it more enjoyable? What doesn’t feel worthwhile that I can practically eliminate or cut back on? I was able to reframe my spending habits and take small steps in ways that feel more empowering than restrictive.

I’ll give some examples. Obviously we all have our non-negotiables, some of mine being rent and groceries. I live in a big city and have come to terms with rent being expensive, but I’ve also decide — what is the point of living in this city if I can’t enjoy it and be social here? Trying new restaurants and going out to drinks are two things that genuinely bring me joy. Where I am spending more on rent and restaurants, I try and cut back on spending on ubers and drinks at the bar.

I love a fun drink at dinner but a tequila soda in a crowded basement doesn’t do it for me like it used to. I am not saying it never happens, especially while I still enjoy going out in doses but I prioritize my fun drinks earlier in the night and drink water as the night progresses. Or I pregame the bar and avoid paying for drinks when I know the scene I’m walking into. On nights out and in general I try my best to take the public transportation everywhere I go or uber pool when that is unrealistic. I learned quickly that a twenty plus dollar uber adds up quickly when it’s a common occurrence and am working on eliminating it.

Another example is that I prioritize spending on skincare because my skin is something I’ve struggled with. I put my money towards seeing an esthetician and investing in the products she recommends to the extent of my ability. Alternatively, buying new clothes on the regular is not really something I care about. I try to avoid shopping for clothes unless I need something special or aim to thrift things at consignment stores or on Depop when I’m in the market for something new.

Obviously this is nowhere near a perfect checks and balances system but getting honest with myself and spending with intention has helped me release the guilt and gripping I feel each time I swipe my debit card on a ‘non-essential purchase’.

What are those things that when you check your transactions make you feel a sense of dread, the if I didn’t have to spend on this my life would be better? Even it is something considerably necessary, are there ways you can make it less soul crushing? Whether it’s a reframe or an adjustment, self reflecting is an important place to start.

2. Get your groceries your way

I don’t care what people say, Trader Joes may be a cheaper alternative but I experience a reality check every time I try to buy enough food to last myself a week. I care a lot about the quality of the food I eat but also struggle to plan ahead when it comes to grocery shopping.

My local grocery store on a weekend has become my personal hell, my cortisol skyrockets through the roof, and what used to be a favorite pass time of mine has become a chore. In a perfect world I’d make a grocery list based on the exact recipes I collect from instagram and seamlessly map out what I’d like to cook for each night of week, saving money by doing so. Yet, I’ve tried this approach and learned that it doesn’t work for me. I don’t know what I’ll be in the mood for three nights from now let alone this afternoon. I feel frustrated and stressed by trying to anticipate it. On top of that I admittedly have not been enjoying cooking recently. Right now, having an array of things I can through together quickly is what seems to suit me best. I have friends who love to cook and thrive making a big batch of meals for the week on Sunday afternoon, and I cheer them on for their meal prep queen energy…but there is no point in judging myself for not being on the same wavelength.

All of this has led me to dabble in different grocery shopping alternatives. I’ve tried a meal delivery service or two, nothing has really stuck yet. As I mentioned earlier this isn’t a post on ‘I have it all figured out and here’s what I’m doing’. This is a post to empower you to admit what isn’t working and try something new if the way you’ve been doing it doesn’t feel great.

It’s okay to experiment and it’s okay to reject the norms even on something as mundane and inconsequential as grocery shopping. Just because it looks like its working for everyone else doesn’t mean it has to work for you.

3. Savings

I promise this is the most technical I’m going to get here- if available, using your employer for a retirement account is an important starting block for other investments and long term savings. I had opened a Roth IRA account before beginning my full time job and have yet to sort through the mess of combining it with my employer offered IRA to avoid confusion. A lot of employers have programs where they match or at least contribute to the money you’re putting away in retirement savings after a certain length of employment.

There should be a whole class on employer benefits and how to navigate them and make the most of them. It can be so overwhelming to be bombarded with all the resources available from the jump and I wish this was talked about more. I don’t personally feel well-versed enough or like I have a handle on it myself to talk about it quite yet. I think the retirement account is the lowest hanging fruit, and from here you can explore the other offerings that might work best for your financial position.

My favorite discovery I’ve made in the landscape of saving is that you can have multiple high yield savings accounts, as many as 25 based on the bank you’re using. I currently have 3; one for main savings from which I pay rent, one for travel that I haven’t been touching, and one for emergency savings that is off limits entirely. Putting your money away pays YOU. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned thus far is that if you only have a checking account you are missing out on monthly interest payments and this is such an easy first step in making your money work for you.

4. Ask for help, educate yourself

Self education can feel so overwhelming, I say this from experience.

I’ve bought the books and listened to the podcast episodes and still feel like I am standing at the base of a very tall mountain without proper climbing gear.

For most of us financial freedom is a journey, and there is no rulebook or right way to do it. I’ve been trying to reframe this pursuit, as with many things these days, as an adventure rather than a chore.

The biggest shift I’ve made is that rather than systematically trying to imprint into my brain everything I ever might need to know about money and saving and spending, I’ve been taking a more laidback approach of learning as I go.

I tend to be someone who wants to calculate a stepwise approach, meticulously planning and preparing but never quite getting started.

With money, I’ve been making such a huge buffet of information more digestible by is not trying to figure it all out, just figuring out what is in front of me.

I am lucky to have some trusted adults in my life who I’ve been able to go to for advice on a case by case basis, whether it was budgeting to travel around Europe or explaining benefit plan options or selecting investments with my retirement savings. If there is no one in your life to ask these questions to one on one, the same approach using google can also take the pressure off. Focus on the problem at hand and search for resources on a topic by topic basis instead of biting off more than you can chew, one step at a time.

5. Track if you want to but don’t feel like you have to

I know I promised no budget tracking spreadsheets, but I was recommended to try RocketMoney by a trusted adult and I’ve found I like it better than any other money tracking platform I’ve dabbled on. The reason being it tracks my subscriptions really seamlessly and alerts me when a charge is coming up, it also helped me to sift through and cancel the subscriptions I didn’t realize I still had and wasn’t really using.

That being said I don’t think these types of money management apps, trackers, or spreadsheet templates work for everyone and to each their own when it comes to figure out the most painless way of managing your spending. I will also admit that this month I am using a spreadsheet to track my spending after savings (the remainder portion of my direct deposit I get each paycheck that goes onto my debit card). If I hate this or it doesn’t serve me, I won’t be doing it in the same way next pay period.

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As I mentioned in 5 things I’ve learned in 5 months, I have a running list of things I wasn’t taught I’ve been doing my best to figure out, and finances and money permeate most of the bullet points.

It is nobody’s fault but it also becomes nobody’s responsibility but yours to take your finances (and your life for that matter) into your own hands.

No one is coming to hand you the key to unlocking door after door. You already have the master key in your pocket but it’s up to you to open a few doors and decide which ones you want to proceed through.

I think when it comes to money there is still a stigma around discussing it as openly as it can be discussed. I hope that by admitting sometimes it feels like I don’t have a grip on things, that I feel locked out of some secret club I never knew I needed access too, that I’m feeling ashamed or guilty or confused or overwhelmed, that you too can take a deep breathe if you’re feeling anything similar. We’re not alone and it doesn’t have to feel like this forever.

It’s all part of a journey you get to embark on and there’s no one right way to do it.

Try all the doors you’re curious about opening and don’t feel pressured to walk through the ones everyone else is.

Take it at your own pace, put one foot in front of the other.

But maybe come back to me after tax season is over, who knows where my head will be at then.